My Wife Goes Back to School
...The facade was rebuilt in 1560 during Cardinal Giovanni Gambara.
After WW2 was destroyed and than...
...has been completely restored and returned to its original splendor.
Note the presence of large forms leading to the entrance...
Beauty ornaments that adorn facade's...
...lines and sobriety...
I was saying... that sobriety structural lines of the building...
...result alternation of goals and fullness...
And that is the dominant feature...
Let's get to this element built in Gothic style in the mid-thirty's...
Magnificent opera structured in four stages of two kinds elegant...
...surrounded by an octagonal pyramid...
Purse!
- What should I do? - I do not know? Grab it!
...which its bells were calling people to harvest...
...and bringing entertaining moments for the whole community...
...of joy and the dramatic...
Bell was a symbol of the village...
Symbol and the ceremony, but the threat...
Involvement by the power of the Turkish community...
In 1494, Charles VIII ordered...
...trumpets to sound his army...
I want to buy this as a souvenir... How much is it?
Go back to your place!
Like I said... Charles VIII said with arrogance:
We will call the trumpets...
And Piero Capponi, with all his pride answered...
- Good! - You are so rude, Aristide!
What did I do? I said that spaghetti and sauce are good...
- Who was Pier Capponi? - Who was what?
- Who was that? - He was...
A guy who created hens without eggs...
- See, you're ignorant! - Me?
Yes, you... You do not even know who he was Pier Capponi!
I know... We have a record with him...
The one who sings like chicken with no balls...
Good one...
What's for the main course?
Now what? Should I eat it?
- That's not food, it's to read! - Why should I read it?
- So you do not feel ignorant? - Am I missing something?
I have you, Cartier watch...
In Balearean Islands we spend vacations on the yacht...
... I make tons of money... - But not with your brain!
With prosciutto, salami, mozzarella...
...and wheat... Yes, ma'am! With wheat grain...
And you liked it?
Don't you have the need to educate yourself, to buy books?
- Books? I already have one! - History of cheese.
Ignorant!
Come on honey...
No offense to that Ciccioni Pier... Pier Chiaponi...
- What was he called? - Pier Capponi!
- Yes, we have his vinyl record. - He's not a singer, he's a patriot!
A patriot- singer? If you say so...
In any case... Long live Pier Capponi!
And long live my beautiful Valentina!
I love them both! How is my mozzarelita?
Mozzarelina not to be touched! I'm serious.
And I'm serious! I'm always serious when...
Please Aristide! Don't behave like an idiot that you're!
You look happy with your ignorance . But I want to have a "cul-tu-re"!
If it's just for that... Couldn't you tell me right away?
- You don't mind? - You can have all the culture you want...
Frankly, I'd like to go back to school to learn...
Where do you want to go... ?
We are rich, we are doing well...
You stay home, you wait for your husband...
...coming home, to see his mozarellina...
...and carefully grabs it and quickly becomes...
Do not move! Do not move!
- Be aware that I have a beast... - Where?
A beast with two big... Here's my best... what a beast....
Where you going, Valentina?
It's all the fault of that Pier Capponi...
If I catch this Pier Capponi, I'll rip his balls off...
- Prof. Pier Capponi! - Yes, Mrs. Principal!
Prof. Pier Capponi! You're too peculiar!
- Do you understand? - What do you mean?
Yes. You don't understand that in this school...
...we rise branches of culture...
...among best prospects of society.
But here are the outcasts from all the schools in Italy.
You see? You do not understand anything.
That's why you so peculiar.
- Anyway... - Anyway.
Increased costs forced us to reduce the number of teachers...
And you, Professor Pier Capponi... You are the one who risk more...
- Or maybe... - Or maybe?
I am a single woman...
I'm tired of doing all by myself in this college...
and I'm tired of being alone...
I'm seeking for a man who could share with me the role of managing the school...
Pity that at the end you will be laid off...
- Or maybe... - Or maybe?
Pier Capponi, you're a moron!
- There's one waiting outside... - One what?
- One lady worth... a thousand...! - Let her in?
Yes, I let her in. Come in!
- Hello! - Can I help me?
- Are you the Principal? - No, he's an idiot!
I am the Principal! You can leave, Pier Capponi!
- Are you Pier Capponi? - Modestly...
Pier Capponi, I told you to leave!
Seat down!
- It was closed. - I saw it!
Not. You felt it.
I'm telling you for the last time, Gustavo! You shouldn't take advantage of this. Clear?
Why?
You're an administrator only because you're my brother-in-law.
"Each carry your own cross, mine is you"!
If it wasn't for my wife, she had the misfortune to be your sister...
"You would live like a famous Santippe..."
- What? - "I gave you my whole life on hand..."
- Married? - Yes.
- Offsprings? - What?
- I said: offsprings! - I do not know, sometimes...
How, sometimes? Do you have children?
Children... No, no...
300,000 liras is a monthly fee. Visitations on Sunday's afternoon, only.
Within three months you can get a general education diploma.
- A diploma? - Yes.
What? What's that?
I got you!
- As usual! - I got hit in the head...
- Rude, vulgar and uneducated! - Stop with that "uneducated"!
Better tell me where have you been untill this hour!?
I enrolled into private college, classes start tomorrow.
What's an intelligent face expression, Aristide!
Aren't you proud of your wife?
I start college tomorrow and you don't tell me anything?
Please... don't be like that. Aren't you proud of your treasure?
- Say something! - I...
I want...
No, darling! Your treasure must study.
I can't waste my energy. See you in three months.
- Three months? So this is the last night... - Yes.
Last night and you don't want to... I am your husband... you can't do this to me...
I'm your husband...
I'm desperate... Last night and I can not...
Stop, Aristide! Let's make a deal...
Here is a proposition.
You give me something and I...
...I'll give you something.
This time, I got you...
I caught something!
- My balls... - You've got what you deserve.
"August 15th, it rains". Continue, please.
- I want to see what you write? - Leave me alone.
- Where are you going? - Throw it to the basket.
- To the basket. - Yes.
You can't come up with any ideas?
If it rains on August 15th and you don't know what to do...
You're single!
I'm watching you, Bernardi! I kick you out...
You'll see Bernardi...
One, two, three...
Where're you going, Professor?
- Where? - To the bathroom!
- Who is going to look after your class? - It's urgent...
I need to talk to you about the scheduling fot the next semester.
What's going on with you?
- Something wrong? - Stop, please! Bathroom!
Why I can't have a moment with you?
Let me go! I have to go!
Professor...
- It's me. - Are you really Pier Capponi?
Modestly...
I'm so excited, Professor! I am a great admirer of you.
Who knows how much you've learned, how much you know...
- Besides... - Yes.
If you want, I can give you some private lessons.
I'd love to, but when?
In your spare time... Tonight, in your room?
Would you do that for me?
For cultural training... What is your room number?
- 28. - At 8:30pm?
I'll be waiting!
- Professor! I forgot... - Yes?
What? Mozzarelina?
- Are you crazy? - Someone's looking for me, Gustavo?
It's something about food...
- Who is it? - Is this you, my mozzarelina?
This is a college, not a grocery store.
I know, unfortunately it's a college... Nothing beats grocery store.
Who you are, what do you want?
I want to talk to my wife, Valentina Buratti.
Buratti. Ask her to come here! Is this something urgent?
Very urgent... I can not resist...
- I'd permit only this time. You understand? - Yes.
How I miss you, Valentina...
- Hello! - Treasure of my heart...
Hi, Aristide! What's so urgent?
What? I can't hold it anymore!
I'm missing you, mozzarelina!
My prosciuttino! Lack of mozzarelina upsets me.
- Yeah, I understand! - How, understand?
One hand hurts... I can't work numbers...
- I'm sorry! - How, you sorry?
Tonight after work and I'll come to you.
I need to see you... - No, Aristide!
Leave me alone! I need to study. Ciao!
No, no... What a pain!
Give me some mozzarellina!
Mozza... I give you some...
- When did you do it? - In the afternoon, as soon as she arrived.
- Is she in the bathroom? - Yes.
It's better than a place with peep show.
Pull out the plug so we can see.
One moment.
Mamma mia... she's so good!
Naked as mother-nature created her... So nice!
Move! My turn!
Can't see anything! Where is she?
- What... Are you blind? - I think you made it up.
- It's the best bottom of Europe... - Where you see it?
- She has some serious knockers on her... - Move!
- You get out the line. - For you it's not good.
- Why? - Because Giulia came in. You can't look.
I was forced to go to college. But you are married. Why do you need it?
I can't communicate with my husband, he is so ignorant...
And I feel lesser to others.
Don't talk nonsense! With such a body you feel inferior?
Body is important, but it's not everything...
I want to be a complete woman, I want to have better knowledge.
I think you're crazy! I have no brain or body like yours...
What should I do, shoot myself?
Listen to me! You're a lucky woman.
- You have everything... - No, you can't imagine what complexes I have.
I'm missing blessings of education.
You think about the education...
...but you're lucky if the diploma gets you building's caretaker job.
- Present! Say "present". - Present! But why?
It's a principal!
She's checking, if we don't go to the boys.
But I'm not a fool. Look!
Exit door.
- Gustavo! - I'm coming.
Hurry up, Gustavo! Achilles is waiting for me.
Relax, Giulia! Let me do my work.
If not, jump with parachute. You'll get faster.
You've got the money? It's 2000 liras.
2000? It was always 1500?
But Giulia... Night, ladder, risk...
- Put it together... - Ok.
- You understand... 2000. - Good... !
- Could you lend me 500? - Yes.
That bastard Gustavo makes me pay right away.
- Here! - Thank you.
You're a real friend...
- Hold, Gustavo! - Money goes to Gustavo!
Here's what I do for a extra vitamin!
Ciao Valentina!
Come on, stretch those long legs... Move faster!
I have another job and can't stand here all night... Achilles is there.
Listen, pretty face... Hey, handsome!
Listen...
- Me? - Yes.
Yes, you! Come here! I will not bite...
Come here! Come!
- You are an ugly fagot! - Me... fagot... ?
- Don't touch me! What do you want?
Now we can have a conversation...
- What's your name? - Gustavo. Why?
Gustavo! You see the face of a horny man...
And you offer yourself to me? Hey, don't touch me...
Do you want to get punched, fagot!
I'm not a fagot, I'm a man...
A man? A man with sexuall needs. Fagot!
No. I'm husband of Valentina Buratti. She is studying here.
Ahh, I see... Gustavo Pinabrotti.
Gustavo! Let me in, I must see my wife...
- You must be horny! - My crotch is burning...
- You want to see her. - I must...
- I'll let you in for 20,000 liras. - What?
You want in... you have to pay.
A prostitute is getting 10,000 liras. So your wife is worth less than a prostitute?
That's right! Al right! Hold on!
Open up! I feel that I'm going to explode!
Open, please!
- I'm going... - Wait! Where are you going?
What's that rush? Hold on!
- Where are you going? - Tell me, where to?
- Use the ladder. Climb! - Which window?
- Right by the ladder? - You're a genius! How did you know?
I am not satisfied!
Slow down!
- Where are you going? - Where? Up!
It's 20,000 more for ladder.
You're not a man, you're a vacuum.
If you like skirt you must pay!
- Wait! For holding the ladder another 10,000.
- Ok... This time I'll do it for free. - Bravo! Hold the ladder.
I go up...
Professor Pier Capponi... How romantic!
- It's you! - My sweetheart...
- What are you doing here? - You could guess! I came to...
You can not enter. Get out!
It's so high. My head spins...
No! No! This is a college!
I know! I gave 40,000 liras to that...
How to say? That son of a bitch...
Let me in...
No, Aristide! If they find out, I will be expelled.
- Very good. - You're selfish.
- I want to get education... - And I feel like exploding...
Going or not going...
I told you that you can't enter. It's prohibited.
If you'll not let me in I will cause an epidemic of pregnant women...
- Gustavo! - Mamma mia...
I talk as the teacher... I talk as your brother-in-law...
I talk as your friend...
No one is talking and I need you to shut up!
- It's a man talking to you... - Man? Who is so unfortunate?
- Valentina Buratti. - She is busy.
I kill him! Who is he?
Her husband. He will not kill you...
He'll... and you go to the Sistine Chapel.
Let me at least leave through the door, I'm afraid of the height.
The door is locked.
- You'll become widow Buratti... - No, no, no...
What is this?
Dogs...
Go or everybody will wake up...
Get out! The dogs are coming!
- Let me in! - Get out! I'm runing away!
Hold the ladder, moron! Is moving...
There're not that dogs but beasts.
Grab me! Hold me!
- Get out immediately! - Valentina...
- What are you doing, you crazy? - This is a Mercalli's scale...
Get out! Aristide...
What are you doing? Are you crazy?
- Give me your hand! - Where are you going, Aristide?
- I do not know, it moves by itself! - Do not be a fool, Aristide...
I let you go...
My God! What a crush!
What are you doing here? Who are you? How did you get into my office?
Good...
A sleepwalker...
What a musculine body...
...and so strong.
- Where's the exit? - There.
Thank you!
I saw death with my own eyes...
Damn you...
... why not calling you grandpa... It will not hand over to his mother...
Be quiet you know...
I said to be quiet...
How do you like in our college, darling?
Very much! Thank you, Mrs. Principal!
As you can see, we are a big family.
We eat together, learn together...
And we sleep separately! Right, Professor?
- What you were saying, Gustavo? - Nothing, Mrs. Principal!
Just talking to Pier Capponi. What a man he is...
...but better that he remains alone...
Without confidence, Gustavo!
Al right! Keep serving the breakfast.
- Still stay alone! - Enough!
- What did Gustavo say? - Nothing. Stupid...
Unfortunately, we are family, he's my brother-in-law...
- Profit and freedoms allows some...
But there's a big difference between us...
On cultural... and ethicall ground...
We have a deal...
You're so right Prof. Capponi! It's delightfull to hear you talking!
- Thanks! You're to kind. - I am a great admirer of you
Not one serves around here?
Giulia, pass me the milk, please! Thank you!
- Allow me, Mrs. Principals? - Please!
Tell when is enough.
- I burned you? - No, not you...
You have to be more careful!
Go to classes , everybody to classes!
Hello, Mrs. Buratti.
- I owe you an explanation. - You don't have to explain anything to me!
I didn't want to... She wanted...
It created an absurdal situation, try to understand me!
Please!
- Professor! - It was a misunderstanding.
- They are looking for you. - One moment, Valentina!
I'll come to your room tonight, I want to talk to you.
- Take your seat, Buratti! - Do you have a moment, Professor?
Pepino... After all these years... I'd have never imagine...
Do not imagine anything!
Do not worry, Pepino! We are alone.
- It was a misunderstanding. - I know my dear, it took you so long...
Tonight, we'll clarify everything. Tonight...
What I mean... I'm so happy...
...I'm happy for you...
What's a nice latino...
...from the neck down.
What a stink...
Pepino... I'm all yours...
Are you there?
Pepino!
Ahh, you are in there.
Be kind and open the door, Pepino...
I'm all yours, baby...
Come Pepino!
It's you, Mrs. Principal! I thought it's a scratched record...
I... I wanted...
I saw Professor Pier Capponi going to your room.
- To my room? - Yes.
Really... Thank you!
- 10,000. - Why?
Mandatory fee for saving you from horny woman!
I don't understand anything...
What happened to that old witch? She didn't lock the door tonight.
I don't know...
And it's better this way.
Tonight, me and Achilles will spend time in real bed.
And you keep studying... Ciao! I don't understand you....
I understand you're in rush... But at least close the door.
What she has forgotten now?
- What did you... ? - Valentina!
Finally we're alone! Moon is red, the sea is blue...
My beautiful Valentina, I can't live without you.
What's the matter? You learnt a poetry?
What poetry, what study?
No one told you that I got expelled from grammar classes ?
Let's do a little practicing... I've been waiting for a long time...
Stop! Get up! Are you crazy?
Yes, I'm crazy for you...
Since I saw you the first time under the shower...
I want you to discover the depth of life...
- What? When? How? - Through the hole...
Who's that?
- Look at the situation you created, you moron! - What do I do? Where do I go?
Get your clothes and hide!
- Hide under the bed. - You're pulling my hair.
Underneath, fast...
- Ah, it's you. Hi! - Hi!
Valentina! I need to tell you something, it is urgent!
Moon is red, the sea is blue... My beautiful Valentina, I can't live without you.
What's wrong with all of you tonight?
Leave me alone!
Since I saw you the first time under the shower...
What is with this shower, cinema for the first timers?
Stop!
- Hide! - I am ready to face any scandal.
But I don't! Come, hide! Come!
- In the closet. - I... I suffer from claustrophobia.
Don't make noise.
- My treasure... - No...
One moment... give me the money!
- Here! Count it! - Extra 10,000...
- For what? - Additional guidance within the college.
Go, you stinky...
Extra for batteries and light on the stairs...
Enough, Gustavo! Ciao!
Then extra supplement for external control against disturbances.
I owe you 20,000 for troubles! I give you later. Ciao!
Got it... Nothing.
You didn't expected me, my treasure?
No, Aristide! And you have to leave immediately.
Leave immediately? After amount of money I spent to get here?
Gustavo costed me a fortune.
Here it is! This time, I'll break his neck...
- It's me, Valentina! Can you hear me? - Who is it?
It's a professor, Aristide. If they'll see you, I'll be expelled from the college.
Okay! But only for 10 minutes, I want to...
Everything you want, Aristide! Please, hide!
- I'll hide under the bed. - No! - Not under the bed.
- In the closet. - No, no. Where are you going?
- Why? - Why? You could choke!
- That's right! In the bathroom. - Yes. It's very good idea.
- Hurry up! - And you hurry up because I have to...
- Yes. Later. - I want...
I said, later!
- Later, Aristide! - I want...
Okay. Close the door!
- Hallo, Valentina? - I'm coming...
Professor Pier Capponi. Why I owe the honor of this visit?
- Why? Didn't you expect me? - Yes, no...
- Not tonight. - Didn't I promise to come tonight...
Ahh... tonight... It's a little late... Can't we do it another night?
I washed my feet...
Sorry! But tonight is not suitable for me.
- My head hurts and I'm sleepy... - Just excuses. I don't believe you!
I'll start with a beautiful poem!
Moon is red... The sea is blue...
- My beautiful Valentina... - I can't live without you!
- No, professor. Not again! - You already knew it?
Not until an hour ago. It's a third time tonight!
What's the difference, first or third... All that matters is feeling...
Valentina! Professor Capponi! Open the door! I know you're there!
Oh, Principal! If I'll get caught, I'm fired...
- Hide me! - Where I can hide you?
Under the bed you can't, in the closet is to dangerous...
- In the bathroom. - No...
- So where? - Outside the window!
This is the safest place, no one will see you there.
- I'm sorry about this. - Just don't look down.
I'm doing it only for you.
It's open, Mrs. Principal!
Where is Professor Pier Capponi?
I'll fire him and you will be expelled.
- There is no one in there! - Let's see if you tell the truth!
No one here... No one under the bed.
Please, don't you believe me!
- I was going to take a shower... - Oh, yes?
Why I don't hear running water? I need to check the bathroom!
- I can't let you in! - Why?
- I had no time to clean. - I don't care...
- Hello! - Hello!
- You can't... - Please do not impede!
- You have something to hide? - Yes, no... I wanted to say...
- It looks clean! - I want it cleaner...
- Open the water in the shower, it takes time for hot water to start running...
- Is something wrong? - No, no, no...
- Why you don't open the water? - I can't find the valve. I found it...
Is it cold? I was right. But you still didn't convince me...
I saw him entering this room...
It's my right... my responsibility to oversee the morality of my students...
You have checked everywhere... Are you sure that you saw it right?
Of course, I've seen it very well!
- What are you implying? - You are mistaken Mrs. Principal!
How could I bring the men to my room? I am a married woman!
I am faithful to my husband. I'd never do such a thing.
You want to play a game with me? I advise you do not!
Be careful what you do! You're playing with fire.
Playing with fire... Do you understand?
I could notify your husband, to come and see that...
Prestige of my school is at stake!
It's about my reputation... I can't tolerate this kind of behaviour.
I have nothing to hide, Mrs. Principal. Believe me.
You're hiding something from me. I am convinced about that.
You're not going to decive me with your angel's face.
- Me? - Yes, you!
Ah... Window...
He went in... He should be here... But he's not...
Where is he?
I knew it!
Fire! Fire! Run for your life...
Fire...
Come with me, Mrs. Principal. You have to trust me...
- Ciao Valentina! - Ciao Valentina!
Bye, my treasure! I'll be back soon...
Run. It's hell out there!
Steps. Watch out!
I told you... Be careful..
So tough to get culture.
Calm down... Easy... I'm coming...
A little bit of patience!
What do you want?
- Excuse my ignorance, but I don't understand. - I'm German regional doctor.
Aha! Regional doctor... 100,000.
What?
Are you deaf on one ear? Want to see your wife? 100,000.
- You recognized me? - No.
- Gustavo! What happened, Gustavo? - Nothing.
- Who is that person? - What should I say?
- 50,000... - It's a drifter...
- 80,000. - I'll throw him out.
- Here, 100,000. Scoundrel! - Let me count.
One moment! He gave me a business card... It says...
- Regional doctor. - What are you doing with all this money?
Do you buy overalls at Christian Dior?
Regional doctor... Do you visit students yearly?
- This time... schoolgirls! - And teachers...
Teachers next week.
- I have a pain that starts here... - I can't control everything...
Poor guy! Let's see if you can get out it!
With the money I spent on this I could buy ten rolls of parmesan...
I hope it was worth it...
- First one, Laura Antonelli. - Laura Antonelli?
Come in!
- Who are you? - Laura Antonelli!
- Aren't you ashamed? How are you? - Okay.
- OK, you can go... Get out! - You will not check me out?
Are you crazy? What do you want to do? Get naked?
I'll report you for insulting... Out!
- What a shame! Next one!
Doctor. I have a pain that starts here and goes up there...
I got nothing for this! I must check the girls, and afterwards the region is waiting for me...
I have no time! Take Neurolep and pain will go away...
Neurolep and bang. It's gone...
Next one!
Arcibaldi.
- Doctor, I... - You're OK! You can leave.
- God! What you got? - I have an anemia.
- Is it contagious? - I'm not not sure ..
That's right! If you don't know, I do... I am the doctor... Don't move!
Open your mouth! I want to see...
Say 33!
Those with anemia are spies.
Doctor, I'm not a spy, I'm an anemic.
Next one! God, what a meat... !
- Gustavo! Come here! - I'm here.
This is not a college it's a monstrosity...
- When is my wife's turn? - Your wife is in group B.
First you have to see everyone from group of letter A.
- How many are in group A? - One moment. 18.
Until they are all seen... Will I have time to...
We can't skip the letter A and begin with the letter B?
I affraid, not...
As usual, you're the one in charge. But I have to accept...
- You talk a lot? - It's our job!
- You take me for an idiot? - Yes.
I'm a regional doctor and I established that you're an idiot.
This girl is crazy...
...and should be admitted immediately to the local mental hospital...
For heinous stupidity and violence!
You are idiots ad I'll tell you one more thing!
Go fuck yourself, both of you!
Go fuck yourself!
How is it possible to have in the college such a vulgar student?
- She must be expelled immediately. - You kidding me?
She's the best in her class.
But do not change the subject... Do you want to get rid of schoolgirls with the letter A?
Yes. Get rid of them! Then bring here Valentina...
That would cost 50,000.
How could I you forget? You're not a man, you're an anger of money.
You're a vampire... How many are in group B?
- Only two. - Valentina is the first one.
- No second. - Do it fast!
What happened? Why the visits stopped?
All schoolgirls with the letter A were consulted.
- But they're still waiting at the door! - They were consulte remotely.
It's called Beckenbauer's method !
You have studied in Germany...
Aha! German's method... That's different...
All schoolgirls with the letter A are free to go.
Schoolgirls from group B next.
- I have a pain that starts here... - You told me...
I have a strong irritation that starts here and goes down, down...
How long you have it? It's eczema...
- You need Cliss! - What is it?
It's a cousin of Neurolep, like I said before...
What a torture... When she comes I put her here and...
No, it's too hard... She is so delicate...
- Better I put her on the couch and... - May I?
- Yes. - My name is Louise Bona...
Yes, yes... Now it's time for a student miracles.
Bona!
- Hello! My name is Louise Bona. - Yes, yes, I can see it...
I have an awful sore throat...
I can not eat, drink... I think I have sore tonsils...
What do you think? What should I do?
- Get naked! - Right away.
- Proper balloons and... - Is this good?
Very good. And one inflamed...
Yes?
Lie down.
- Should I say 33? - Say whatever you want...
- What are you doing, Doctor? - Do not move, I'll explain later!
What do you want?
What do I want? I want mozzarelina!
What's mozzarelina? I do not understand...
Aristide!
I'm consulting the student.
And she is called Bona.
- I can explain everything to you! - Yes?
Yes...
Today we'll talk about human body.
The human body is a very complex mechanism...
...and science will never succeed to reproduce it.
It is a simple perfection.
A masterpiece of the nature.
Which of you can tell me how many bones are in a body?
I knew it... No one!
Well, the human body has 208 bones.
Missing tibia. Which one of you took tibia?
- Gustavo took it to make a soup! - Quiet!
This is a serious school. I will not tolerate such a jokes!
Human skeleton is the structure that sustains muscles...
...and internal organs of our body.
Each of us has within the skeleton like this one.
Can you imagine that inside me?
Yes...
Mamma mia.
Lesson is over. You can leave!
Who are you? A spirit?
If you're present here, give me a sign...
Tell me your name!
My name is Masked & Thirsty...
Honey, honey, honey...
Why do you want it in your bedroom?
- Mind your own business! - On the bed.
- Lying or sitting? - Lying.
One moment... one moment!
What do you want?
I am a monk from the monastery. I want to see a student.
Random one or you have someone in mind?
Valentina Buratti. I'm her spiritual father.
- You need to speak with Mrs. Principal. - Where I can find her?
- End of the hall on the right. - Thank you.
- Thank you, son. - One moment!
Getting directories costs 100,000.
- I am a poor monk. - That's why I gave you a discount.
If you were going to Buratti, it would cost you 200,000.
Who are you?
Choose!
On death of your...
Grandpa you see. Praise the Bank of Italy!
Jesus Christ to be praised!
Professor!
What did you do?
I'm alone, Valentina. I can't stand this anymore...
Calm down, Professor...
I am an orphan, the widower...
...taxes, contributions... And Principal on top of that...
I can't handle this no more!
I'll kill myself...
- You're struck by fate... - I don't have any reason to live...
Let me put my head on your breast, Valentina...
Professor! You' re not unlucky you are a mandrill...
No mandrill, I am unlucky!
Such a stress! You can't be left alone for a second!
This is not a college, it's an international congress.
Valentina!
- It's Principal! She's always around... - Valentina, can I come in?
I'll be right there, Mrs.Principal. Hide yourself in the closet.
It's the safest place.
I'm coming, Mrs. Principal.
I have a good news for you. Guess who is here?
- God! Who is it? - Your spiritual advisor.
Mine what? I have no...
- You? - Don't call him "you"?
We know each other very well, isn't it?
I took care of her soul since she was a little...
- I'll leave you alone.
When you finish, come to me, I really need...
Yes, yes...
My treasure...
Pig! I don't accept your apology!
I didn't come to apologize, I came to...
Are you crazy? It's Aristide, your husband.
Do you understand what I'm going through right now?
I spent a fortune on this greedy administrator.
I don't care, I must study, I don't think about it!
You don't have to think about this, I'll think about...
Enough!
- Giulia, why! - Monk wanted to rape you!
Come on guys, give me a hand...
- Come.. slowly...
- Where to put him? - Where do you want him?
- In the garden, with the trash... - I know...Principal's room!
- He'll make a nice gift. - Come...
It's empty.
O God! What is this?
- She is crazy? - He's getting heavy, where to put him?
- On the bed. - I'll take this one somewhere else.
Hurry, she may come soon.
Undress him, then surprise will be complete.
When she sees him, she'll get heart attack.
- He is waking up, what to do? - I got it.
Where's the trailer? I saw her, she was there...
Give it to him and he'll sleep until tomorrow morning.
Drink, handsome! Bravo!
- What did you give him? - Sleeping syrup.
- This is laxative... - Laxative? You're right.
I saw it and I hit the trailer...
- Give him this? - Hurry!
- All? - Yes. What, you want some?
Nice. We did it good...
Sweet dreams!
Operation succesfull!
- What did you do with... the monk? - Don't worry! He is in perfect shape!
We deserve a reward!
Come on! A kiss, a kiss...
Okay.
- Come. - That's all?
- You can't! Do not even try. - Just a small one.
You're always like that.
- What are you doing? - She's not saying anything?
This is not a kiss, it's a vaccum suction.
- You're phenomenal... - What are you doing?
The ring... Let's go for dinner.
Hey you, it's dinner time!
Oh, no... Poor guy!
Sorry, Professor! I forgot! Are you all right?
- How are you feeling, Professor? - Bad. I need air...
Air, air...
My God!
- Are you feeling better? - Not really...
- CPR... Mouth to mouth... - Immediately!
Always at your disposal, Miss.
Of course, I know CPR.
How long should it take? An hour, two hours?
Yes.Start immediately!
Look, who is here...
Wake up, Pepino! How Giotto told the oxen:
"We're together, you and me"!
I'm here...
I'm coming to you...
My Masked & Thirsty.
Miracle! He has materialized!
What a wonder, what a wonder...
I'm dreaming...
And I have the most beautiful dream of my life...
I am all yours...
- Finally, it's a time... - Tell me about it!
- I'll give you all... - Everything, everything everything...
- You're my mozzarelina? - Yes, mozzarelina...
- Take your mozzarelina! - What?
This is melted provolone! Get out of here...
What's the difference? It's all cheese...
My stomach hurts, I need to go to the bathroom!
You go later.
- 19,800... - Short 200...
- I have nothing else! - Do you have a voucher, a tram ticket...
- Nothing. I'm broke! - OK, this time...
- Thank you, Gustavo, you are a friend... - Wait a second. Sign a cheque. Here.
- What a son of a bich... - Everyone has a mother and deserves the...
- Go! - Gustavo! I must go!
- Wait! I'll be back soon. - Gustavo! It's me, Pepino!
Damned! Right at that moment...
Gustavo...
Free ladder... Lucky me.
No way! It cost me 20,000.
Help... help me!
What a wonder...
Make me all you want... Tell me what you want...
I want to go to the bathroom, I feel bad...
- Why don't we start... - I don't care... I need to use the bathroom...
- You're scented like a rose... - That was for something else...
I need to use the bathroom, it's urgent... Where's the bathroom?
- More... more... - Oh no, no... I have to go...
Where's the ladder? Who took it?
What is this?
A shoe... Not bad. I could use it...
But it's only a right one.
Gustavo! - Who is it? Where is it?
Gustavo... I'm up here!
I'm falling...
What are you doing, Pepino? Practicing gymnastics at night?
At your age. You're going to hurt yourself. Get down!
- There's no ladder... - And you didn't it realize that!
Find something to get me down!
- How much you'll give me? - Have a heart, please!
I have a heart, but do you have one to jump?
- Then how much you give me?
- I can not reach the wallet! - You can't?
Then drop down the other shoe.
Long live latino man!
- Where are you going? - To the bathroom...
The bathroom? The bathroom?
Bathroom... Don't you see that you don't know what you want!
I know what I want... I want to go to the bathroom.
Now you think about love... The bathroom later...
Ready! Jump!
Are you crazy ? It's only a metal screen...
What do you expect for a pair of old shoes... Mattress, blanket, pillow and duvet?
Come on, jump!
Stop fooling around! Jump!
Jump, do not be afraid!
You jump or not?
The bathroom! The bathroom!
What a man! Couldn't wait... What is he doing in the bathroom?
Help!!!
Pepino? You're an acrobat.
Gustavo, I'm here!
- You're OK, Pepino? - Gustavo...
- Tell me... - Fuck you!
Get away from me witch! I saw death with my eyes!
- A nymphomaniac! - Wait! Come back to me...
I got fucked!
- How was it? - How do you call a bottle wrapped in straw?
- Fiasco. - So it was even worse...
- Marcello Bernardi! - Where is Marcello?
- I am here. - That's Gustavo.
Mind your own business!
- Bernardi Marcello present! - Come closer.
Coming...
- Sit down. - Sitting...
- How old are you? - Mhmm...eight.
- It's hard to believe it... - He looks familiar, who is he?
Listen Bernardi...
We failed enough this morning... Try to do better than the others...
- I have trust in you Marcello... - I do the best I can...
Bravo! Because your education is a little bit poor...
I have a very easy question. A question for fifth grader.
- You know how to make a diamond? - Sure thing?
Okay. Do it!
- What are you doing? - Landing!
- Didn't you understand? - Not good? A moment!
It's not the diamond I want! I want a real diamond!
I want to know why Marcello didn't show up?
- He risks of being rejected! - I think he has something better to do.
What?
- Didn't you have an exam today? - Yes. I sent my body double.
- And if you fail? - I don't care?
That was the only way to be alone with you.
And I didn't want to lose it...
- Am I a little likeable? - Yes, a little... but now... enough!
It's late! I'll miss my exam!
Valentina! Can't you wait five more minutes
The door is closed! I gave 20,000 to Gustavo.
- You're crazy! - Yes, I'm crazy about you!
Not possible... You really don't know anything...
How to promote someone like him?
No! Failed!
Professor Pier Capponi! Isn't he one of your students?
- No! - How not?
- Yes, yes... - Okay, okay...
You give the students a "good" education! It will be mentioned in your the performance file.
Bravo! Can I go?
Go, go...
Goodbye all! Ciao, Pepino!
You are to friendly with your students!
He's just an asshole... jerk... moron...
Stupid SOB...
And that stupid SOB will be sorry...
...I'll catch him and... I'll crush him...
The next one is Buratti. Could you, Professor!
- Buratti! - Damned...
- You're Buratti? - Come in!
- How much? - Don't play stupid! Get in!
- Take this pill! - What is it?
- It will strengthen you. - What?
Come in! He looks a little old...
What can you do...
- Sit down. - Please...
Take off your glasses!
How old are you?
- It's not your fucking business! - Oh, God!
Good start!
No, no... Mr. President. You need to understand that...
...the students in a private school are easily embarrassed with personal questions.
It's maybe embarrassing for you, you nympho-beast!
Behave yourself! What's this?
- Can't you be polite? - No!
You want to be compared to provalone's face?
- Who has provalone's face? - You!
I'll smash you and put you in mortadela...
Stop it! Remember, that this is the examination room!
- What is it? - The examination room!
Now you tell me that! The examination room...
All examination committee got angry!
I am calm... But examination committee gets angry...
- Are you nervous? - No, no...
Better for you. Otherwise I...
Allow me to indroduce myself. Buratti! Nice to meet you...
You're so lovelly... Sweet eyes, beautiful lips...
- Now sit down and stay calm. - Are you nervous?
- No, no, no... - Good!
We're all calm. Let's resume the exam...
- Are you calm? - Good...
Let's get started!
Finally you arrived!
- 20,000... - 20,000. For what? Nothing happened.
- Nothing? - Nothing...
- Even... - Not even that...
- Then give me 40,000. - Why?
And you're asking why?
You... You don't know anything!
You're an ignorant...
- Ignorant! Me! - No, no...President just said that...
...you're prepared for the exam...
But... as they say... you're...
- Distracted. - Yes, That's right!
- Intimidated. - Retarded!
- Me, retarded! - Professor, you're a moron!
- You're a violent person! - Who?
- You! - Me?
I am violent? I have such a tender heart.
Don't you agree...
- Yes, yes... - Give me a kiss!
I'm Buratti! Wasn't I called in?
- Buratti? But who are you? - Who am I? I am Buratti!
- And you? - Why, you got something against me?
- I have nothing against you... - I'll clean my shoes with your beard...
- Aristide... What are you doing here? - My treasure...
Valentina...
- Excuse me! She lost a skirt...
Come without skirt... Don't worry, come on!
Either way you will be promoted. You'll get an "A"...
- Sit down! - Who are you?
- What? Who am I? I'm the husband! - I have to start the exam?
- No. Why? - Leave immediately!
You're saying this to me?
No... I wanted to say that you can assist during the exam. Committee agrees...
Right?
- Yes! - No!
- Yes! Anyone against? - No...
- If you agree, let's get started. - Let's go!
- Let's start with a question... - Tough one!
- Easy one! - A medium difficulty.
I totally agree. Listen carefully!
Who was the General with surname Bonaparte...
...who became Emperor of France and was born in Corsica...
...died on island of Saint Helena, was victorious at Austerlitz...
...and was defeated at Waterloo?
- It is to difficult, she will not answer! - Come on, Miss...
Can't be any asier than that... Who was he?
- Celentano! - Why Celentano?
No? I just thought...
Focus, Miss...
- Napoleon! - Very good! Bravo!
- Go to the board! - Would you let her go to the board?
Okay! Go to the board!
Sit down! You sexual maniacs.
What should I do?
Write...
What is the value of zeta?
And if Archbishop of Constantinopol would like to...
No, no...Let's try something easier...
Tell us, what is a volume of a sphere?
- No. - Tell the area of a circle.
- No. - How do you call the line dividing a circle?
Well, tell him... Let him be satisfied...
The line... dividing the circle...
Is called... I have it on the tip of my tongue...
Hey! You!
What are you showing to my wife?
Stop the fight... Let's start again...
- That's it! You're going home immediately! - I want to finish the exam.
What a shame!
- We're going home. - Aphrodite! Aphrodite!
Professor Pier Capponi! You are fired!
Pier Capponi? You are that provalone guy!
Professor Giuseppe Pier Capponi!
So he's a famous Pier Capponi! Important man that I should always remember...
Singer who sang patriotic songs...
My wife left the marriage bed for you... And you came here...
Now I show the area of a circle...
Now I wiil fix those glasses of yours...
Stop everybody... Do you understand?
Masked & Thirsty! Now you'll be mine forever...
- I will never leave you... - Help...
I will never leave you...
Please! Save me from that nympho-beast !
Nympho... is heavy...
Take away this Moby Dick! A nymphomaniac...
Attention nation! Minister of Education!
Thank you, Mr. Minister!
Miss... Miss...
- Could I get some mozzarelina? - Where are you manners, you jerk?
- What is it, my love? - Go to my husband!
What do you need?
- What do you want? - I'd like some mozzarelina. - What?!
- I'd like... - What?!
- Mortadela. - Good. Boy!
- Mortadela for the client! - Right away, Mr. Aristide!
- How much? - 600. At cash register.
Thank you!
600.
Here's the change. Thank you. Come back again.
Aristide: "From what you've bought, lucky I'm scored!"
Subject in the classroom. "Salami in the Middle Ages".
Who doesn't know, will write a hundred times:
"Culture is great, but I'm a fool."
- Isn't that so, my treasure? - Yes, dear!
SUBTITLES BY YAFI. JAGA BKS!!!